


your graduation

by orphan_account



Series: until one day i had enough of this exercise of trust [3]
Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Book: Eclipse, F/M, Gen, I've never read Wuthering Heights don't come for me, Unrequited Love, and Bella was capable of admitting she led him on cos it felt comfortable, i tried to make jacob like...better but he's still absolutely a little shit, let's pretend Eclipse Jacob wasn't an asshole, they just fight a lil and stay mad, unresolved angst stays unresolved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2019-01-11 00:05:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12310695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Used to call you a crook, called you a bandit.There ain't no other good damn reason why my heart,it would go missing,for so many months.--Your Graduation, Modern Baseball





	your graduation

**Author's Note:**

> im thirsty for angst so here are some Jacob/Bella songs that fit well in my opinion  
> [ Your Graduation ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWNIhK0OUyE%20)  
> [ Long Lost Friends ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHjOtAu4WBk)  
> [U Don't Get Me ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=454bYvEMzAg)  
> [ Habits of My Heart ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSguyCL68Kc)
> 
> The Jacob/Bella Eclipse drama turns out to be pretty hard to justify when Edward and Bella don't immediately start flaunting their perfectly perfect relationship in his face, but I mean, I tried. Eclipse!Jacob just generally being the most salty being on the face of the Earth probably helps a lil.

* * *

 

_Bella,_

_~~I don't know why you're making Charlie carry notes to Billy like we're in second grade-- If I wanted to talk to you I would answer the~~_  
  
_~~You made the choice here, okay? You can't have it both ways when~~_  
  
_~~What part of 'mortal enemies' is too complicated for you to~~_  
  
_~~Look I know I'm being a jerk, but there's just no way around~~_  
  
_~~We can't be friends when you're spending all your time with a bunch of~~_  
  
_~~It just makes it worse when I think about you too much, so don't write anymore~~_  
  
_Yeah, I miss you, too. A lot. Doesn't change anything. Sorry._  
  
_Jacob_

\--- Eclipse, Stephenie Meyer 

* * *

"Hey, Jake," she says, voice soft and repentant. And it's so easy to be sorry on this side of the receiver, isn't it? Not having to see his sad brown eyes, filled with so much hurt and anger... "It's me. Again. I know you're probably sick of hearing --" _Beep._  Screening calls, then? _Real mature_ , Bella scowls, though inwardly acknowledges that she's mostly deserving of it. Her fingers itch for the re-dial, but obsessiveness isn't a good look on anyone, least of all _her_. 

She tosses the phone onto her bed and lets out an agonized sigh. 

Maybe one more time and... 

And... nothing. She knows with near absolute certainty he's not going to pick up, not even if she called a thousand times. If anything, he'd have Billy chew out Charlie for Bella turning out to be such an emotionally immature mess. 

Whatever. She'll try again tomorrow morning. Maybe. 

Bella's not sure how much more rejection her fragile mental state can take -- which is highly amusing, even to her, in the sort of poetic justice kind of way. 

_Catherine gets a taste of her own medicine._

The phone blares a sharp, piercing sound that sounds almost unfamiliar after so many days of unanswered calls. She fumbles, tripping over feet, in her haste to get to it. When she presses answer and puts it to her ear, disappointment seeps into her bones. It's a voice she knows. One she loves, even. But it's not the one she needed to hear. 

"Edgar," she whispers. 

"Bella?"   
  
"Sorry, I've been... I've been reading Wuthering Heights again," she lies. All her books are gathering dust on her shelves. She hasn't felt much like reading lately, despite the urge to _escape_ being a distinctly strong one. "What's up? Is something wrong?" Edward doesn't call without a reason. Usually, he just shows up, but the distance she's been keeping between them has made him slightly more hesitant. 

"I just wanted to see how you are."

 _See,_ she bites at her thumbnail. She doesn't want to _see_ him, not now. "I'm fine." 

A pause.

"Have you been crying?" 

"No." 

" _Bella_ ," he sounds hurt which has become something commonplace with the men in her life. Go figure. 

"Am I a bad person?" she asks.

 It takes longer than she'd suspected for him to form his reply. "Far from it, love. You're the most giving person I know, perhaps even a bit excessively." 

Jacob would have no problem pointing out where she'd gone wrong from day one. And that's the difference, here. She doesn't want to be coddled right now when she's faced with the consequences of her actions -- she wants the truth, and she wants it to hurt for just long enough to know it _can_ be okay someday soon. 

She wants forgiveness. 

"Is this about Jacob?" he questions tentatively. The hard edge in his tone that's usually reserved for conversations about Jake is nowhere to be found. 

 "When is it not?" she laughs humorlessly, already beginning to tug on her shoes hastily. She falls over once, with a loud yelp, and when Edward chuckles lowly instead of insisting on coming to check on her, she feels _progress._ And because such progress is rare, and not to be trivialized, she tries for a little honesty. "I'm going down to the Rez," Bella tells him, "Not because I expect him to, like, change his mind and want to be all buddy-buddy with me again but because I just need to apologize face to face, you know? Billy will probably kick me out immediately anyway-- I just need to try." 

She's not asking for permission. 

"Do you want someone to come with you to the treaty line?" 

"No," she shakes her head, forgetting for a moment his presence is a distant one. Somehow, she's still not used to it. It's strange. "I don't... The last thing I need right now is someone holding my hand through this, okay? I know you're just concerned, so thanks, but no." 

"You won't even ask Angela or Jessica?"  
  
" _Edward_." 

"I just worry that without a witness--" 

"Jacob won't hurt me." And she believes it with all of her heart. 

"He's not necessarily the one I'm worried about." 

But he _is_ worried.

"I'm not going to go looking for a fight with the first werewolf I see," Bella rolls her eyes, pulling on a windbreaker, phone pressed between her ear and neck. "If i'm not scared, then you have no reason to be." 

"That is...a flawed point," Edward lilts. It's not as chastising as it might have once been. "You haven't been known to show much in the way of self preservation." 

"I mean, true. Look, they all might hate me for hurting Jake, but they wouldn't let something horrible happen to me on purpose." Probably. Bella can think of a few of the Pack who _might,_ the werewolf she once slapped included. "I'll be fine. I'll call you after," and with that promise, she slips her stagnant cellphone into her pocket. 

"Will you let me drive you home at least?" 

"I'll think about it." 

He must hear her traveling down the stairs because he adds, " _Please_ be careful, Bella." 

"I have to go now," she says, almost smiling. "I'll talk to you later, okay?" 

"... Just be safe," he tells her solemnly. "I love you." 

"Yeah," swallows Bella. "I know. I will, thanks." Sliding the phone back into its charging station, her hands shake a little. She stares down at the blinking light until it becomes a steadily pulsing red and then heads for the door. 

* * *

It starts raining the minute she pulls into his driveway. 

An ideal way to set the scene, she supposes, tugging her keys out of the ignition with a weary sigh. 

She slips once on the way to the door, catching herself on her hands -- which you are not supposed to do, that's how fractures happen, she would know-- and it's with muddied, clenched fists that she knocks on the door, ultimately expecting to be turned away by Billy once more. But it doesn't happen. What _does_ happen is a voice startling the living crap out of her from behind.

"What are you doing here, Bella?"

She jumps a little, turning around on the heels of her feet. She almost slips again, due to to the slippery wood of the porch. "What do you think I'm doing here? I'm groveling."

His severe expression doesn't break. Not even a little.  

"You're going to get sick," she tries, taking a more serious approach. "Standing in the rain half naked."

At that, he snorts. "I'm probably safer than you are." And when he takes in her hastily put together appearance, his nose flares in almost annoyance. "Come on," he mutters, pushing past her to get to the door and unlocking it swiftly. 

She follows, feeling more meek than she'd expected to. "Is Billy not home?" she wonders, briefly, just aching to fill the awkward silence. 

"No. He's at the Clearwater's." 

 "Oh."

"Yeah." 

He disappears for a minute, presumably into the bathroom because he returns with a towel around his neck and another in hand. 

 "Look," Bella begins, folding her hands before, tangling and untangling her fingers nervously. "I didn't come here to make a scene or anything. And I definitely didn't come here because I expect you to forgive me, or something, I just. You weren't answering my calls, or notes, and I wanted to apologize properly --"

"So you decided to catch me off guard, is that it?"

"Well. _Yes._ But it sounds... manipulative when you put it like that." 

"Because it is," Jacob almost smiles with a roll of his shoulders, he tosses a towel at her. "But it's also not, because I've been expecting you to pull something like this for weeks now."

She lets the towel fall to her feet, despite her dripping hair, with a sour expression. " _What_?"

"You can never leave well enough alone. You know, you'd be _really_ dangerous if you weren't so predictable." He splays out on the sofa with an almost vindicated expression upon his face, arms stretched out. "But you're Bella and Bella always means well. So, it's fine. Go ahead, apologize, do what you came to do." 

"You could at least acknowledge the fact that I'm _trying_." 

One of his eyes peer open, almost critically evaluating her. "You're _always_ trying and that's the problem. You want everyone to be happy but that's not going to happen." 

"I _know_ that, I'm not stupid," she grits her teeth. "You want something I can't give to you, and I'm _sorry_. I'm sorry that you aren't happy. I'm sorry I can't fix it. I'm sorry that I can't understand the way you're feeling and why you do the things you do -- I'm just sorry, okay? If I could go back and do things differently, I would. I wouldn't lean on you so heavily, and I wouldn't let you get those ideas in your head that started all of this. In fact, maybe we'd both have been better off if I'd just stayed away entirely." 

Silence.

He's staring at her now, jaw tense and eyes wide. 

Sometimes it's so easy to forget that Jake is only sixteen. 

"I didn't...mean that," she says, sounding strangled with the lump forming in her throat. "I didn't... You're my best friend. You're the only one who put up with me when I wasn't even willing to put up with myself. I never... I would never wish we'd never been friends. I'm just--" God, she's going to cry. 

 "Damn," he says slowly. "If you came here just to break my heart all over again, you could've just told me you were running off to marry the leech." 

"This isn't funny."

"It isn't," Jacob agrees mildly. "But I don't know what I'm supposed to do here, Bells. You're sorry, fine. Where does that leave me? Us?" 

"I don't know. That's up to you." 

"I don't know if I can be just your friend." 

Her mouth opens and she wants so desperately to say -- _you've always been more than that, you're my sun_  -- but that's precisely the sort of shit that's gotten them into this mess in the first place, so she keeps silent. 

"You _are_ back together, right? With _him_?"  

Her instinct is to say it's complicated, but that will only hurt him more and give him hope where it isn't warranted. Instead, she simply answers. "Yes." 

"After all that shit he pulled, huh? Just like that?" 

"I'm learning to forgive him." 

"You jumped off a fucking cliff." 

"Thanks for the reminder, I'd almost forgotten," she scowls, sorely remembering just how low Jacob Black will stoop in an argument he's about to lose. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm not the same as I was a few months ago. I'm getting better. I'm not -- There aren't going to be any more cliffs." 

"I hope not," he says sourly. "Who's to say I'd be there to drag you out again? And I doubt the popsicle would be of much use if the hypothermia sets in." 

"You're being a huge dick," Bella informs him shrewdly, "But whatever. I deserve it, right?" She can feel the burning of unshed tears gathering behind her eyes, and she wants to leave before they force their way through. "I said what I wanted to. Thanks for listening, even if your thick skull can't register anything beyond _'I want him, not you_ ' so, see you around, I guess. Or not." 

She's out the door and halfway to her truck when she hears thunderous footsteps rushing behind her. 

"I take it back," calls Jacob, "You _are_ fucking dangerous, Bella Swan!" 

Once inside, she slams her truck door, uncaring of the way he shouts after her as she pulls out of the driveway. 

* * *

 

 _'I have not broken your heart — you have broken it; and in breaking it, you have broken mine_.'

Wuthering Heights, Emily Bronte 

 


End file.
